STAR WARS GANGSTA RAP (WITH LYRICS!)

Just when you think you've heard all the best Star Wars gangsta rap songs ever made, this comes along:



Admiral: This is Admiral Biatch to base camp, it seems the Stormtroopers have gone on strike and I have no experience with this type of shit. Who should I call for help? Vader: It's the V to the A to the D-E-R (Vader!) Reconstructin' the Death Star! With my slick suede suit that's black like tar, Fucking you up no matter who you are! Palpatine: Tell the motherfuckers 'bout the sheer Dark Side! Pull up on your planet, Death Star drive-by! And we'll beat the Rebels 'cause their skills ain't shit! Vader: I need my TIE Fighter, zig-zag, stay lit! Yoda: Oh, shit! Yoda on the scene, 900 year fiend smoking Dagobah green! Bitches on my tip, like Lando on liquor. Lando: Ah, you're just jealous 'cause my black dick's thicker. Chewbacca: *Wookie yell* Lando: Yo! Tell 'em Chewie, last night I had Leia all drunk wanting to do me. Luke: Shut the fuck up man! Leia's my sister! The only thing you're getting is a beat-off blister. Ben Kenobi: Luke! Use the force before intercourse, but Luke! Don't forget! Bitches ain't nothing but hos and tricks! (Ohh!) Luke: Obi-Wan, I'm the top gun! (top gun) But you're the one hotter than both suns! Vader ain't shit, his head's cut up and split! He's slower than the first Pentium chip! (Dark Side!) Vader: The one brings it worse to this fucking universe. (Rebels!) Luke: You know we'll fucking win, 'cause we'll fight to the end! (Dark Side!) Palpatine: I can feel the anger dwelling within you! (Rebels!) Yoda: You also feel Vader's dick in you. BIATCH! *Incoherent Huttese Jabba rap* Han Solo: Jabba, you ain't nothing but a fat-ass slug! Fake gold chains? You sorry-ass thug! Sittin' in your palace with your blue-headed whore, trap door to the Rancor. *sound of someone falling* C3PO: Oh, my, goodness gracious me! I'm a gay man's golden fantasy! Programmed for homo-ecstasy, ten million forms of gay positioning. For my golden shower, you must pay a fee, but R2-D2 gives it up for free. *R2-d2 squeaks* R2-D2, watch your language! Always having sex with robotic strangers! Jar Jar Binks: Meesa like to drink and smoke all night! Meesa like to fight and fucka yo wife. Meesa no care 'cause meesa so dumb. Meesa will fuck you with me tongue. Yousa wants a meesa cause meesa wants some. Yousa wants a meesa cause meesa wants some. Yousa wants a meesa cause meesa wants some. Meesa wants some cause meesa wanna cum!

THE DARK TOWER

Comics! Read!

Stephen King's The Dark Tower. This mini is already four issues deep (out of seven), with the King having direct involvement in this adaptation of his work as both its Creative and Executive Director.

The team assigned to this is a personal fave. Doing the scripts is Peter David, who wrote probably my most-read single comic in my high school collection, X-Factor #87. And pencils is Jae Lee (rightmost guy in the photo), who I was lucky to have met once on his book signing tour here about – oh my God – fifteen years ago. Hey, isn't that Shaun of the Dead on Stephen King's shirt? Astiiig.

Something unrelated: Leelee and I were able to watch the newest Miyazaki movie, Gedo Senki (Tales from Earthsea), and it's just meh. Leelee sat through the whole of Totoro when she was less than a year old, as well as Kiki and Howl later on. And she still watches them again and again without getting distracted by other things. With Gedo Senki I lost her in the first fifteen minutes. I found out later that it's not a Hayao Miyazaki movie, but a Goro Miyazaki one. Who? Hayao's son, who Hayao didn't want to direct in the first place. Hope he gets a lot better if ever he wants to succeed his father.

FINGER FRIDAYS

Ed Geronia Jr.:

'80s CARTOONS OPENINGS

Sa mga ka-henerasyon ko:

VADERHEAD

If I ever get to ride a hot air balloon, I'd like to ride in this:


Load it with enormous speakers, play that score from The Empire Strikes Back, lie back and watch tiny humans scream and flee in sheer terror down below. That'd be the life.

TAMAGOTCHI

Leelee's first attempt at parenting failed when she lost the Tamagotchi I gave her about a week ago. We knew she lost Mimi (what she named the thing) somewhere in our room, and what's funny is we knew this because we could hear its faint beeps for help every once in a while. And despite some time spent rummaging through our stuff, it still wouldn't turn up. It was finally Leelee who found it, three days later, in her hair clips box, but by then Mimi was already dead and only had a pixel image of a Tamagotchi angel floating on its screen. Better luck next time, Lee.


Leelee showing off her dead Tamagotchi. Murderer!

FIGHT CLUB II

Edward Norton is the new Incredible Hulk. Tyler Durden's now big, green and mean. This should be interesting. Louis Leterrier (The Transporter) is directing.

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